Thanksgiving reminds us first and foremost of genocide, which is why it surprised us to see who was sporting the silver and blue of the Detroit Lions, the team owned by the Ford family. Patriarch Henry Ford’s gelatinous remains must have attempted a sloppy spin as he watched from below as Head Coach Jim Schwartz called the shots. Bless his anti-Semitic soul as he watched Schwartz’ team bumble it’s way to another loss.

Starring on defense for the Lions were 2 African-Americans with last names Cohen and Levy. Are these the Lions or the Zions? Strangely, the roster also includes a Melvin Fowler, and, on injured reserve, a Copeland Bryan. This should come as no surprise as Detroit is ranked 20th in the world for Jewish population.

Which brings us back to crazy Henry. During World War I, Ford wrote a series of viciously anti-Semitic articles for The Dearborn Independent, which he then published in book form as a hate-filled diatribe against Jews called “The International Jew: The World’s Foremost Problem”, which basically blamed Jews for all of the problems of the world. Back before they even had a professional football team.

In the early 1920s, this book was published in Germany under the title The Eternal Jew, which is really the only time the Germans shortened a title. It reportedly had a major influence on writer and pet strangler Adolf Hitler, and he almost certainly plagiarized parts of it in Mein Kampf. The admiration was mutual. Following Hitler’s assumption of power, Ford sent Hitler 50,000 Deutsch Marks every year on Hitler’s birthday. More than he ever paid drunken quarterback Bobby Layne.

And speaking of objectionable books, Sarah Palin is signing copies of “Going Rogue: An American Life,” to book burners throughout DummyLand. Having not read it, we can only highly recommend it as the missing link between The Twilight series and the Newest Testament.

In discussing her tome with Barbara Walters, Sarah weighed in on the middle east. “I disagree with the Obama administration on (limiting settlements),” Palin told Walters. “I believe that the Jewish settlements should be allowed to be expanded upon, because that population of Israel is, is going to grow. More and more Jewish people will be flocking to Israel in the days and weeks and months ahead. ”

Did she get a memo from the UJF? Lieberman? The Lions? How does she know that Jewish people will be flocking back to… Shit! End of Days! Sarah doesn’t need some dopey Mayan calendar to alert her to the second coming. Just read her book. It’s all in there.

Remember when Democrats accused Diebold, the makers of electronic voting machines, of rigging the 2004 election so that Bush would “win” re-election? Democrats believed this for 2 reasons: The President of Diebold vowed to do whatever it took for Bush to “win,” and the exit polls in 3 battleground states (Florida, Pennsylvania and Ohio) all showed a disparity between how people claimed to vote and the “actual vote.” Hmmm. Well, Kerry conceded and that was that. No one affixed tea or coffee products to their hats and marched on Washington.

Well, we now find that 52% of registered Republicans believe that Obama stole the 2008 elections through fraud perpetrated by ACORN. Wow, 52% – that’s even more than who believe Obama is a secret Kenyan Muslim! At least 52% of these people are unintelligible and Sarah Palin is their LEADER. Going Rouge, indeed.

Speaking of unintelligible, here is an hilarious clip of Joe Cocker performing the Beatles’ “With a Little Help from My Friends” with English subtitles. Enjoy!

I’m not going to do the math to find out when 2010 spring training begins, because the Yankees will have cloned Babe Ruth by then. However, I will be listening to The Baseball Project Vol 1: Frozen Ropes and Dying Quails, a musical collection of baseball themed songs by Scott McCaughey, Steve Wynn, Peter Buck and Linda Pitmon. If you ever collected Topps baseball cards, then most of the songs on this record will make you smile (“Oscar Gamble’s afro”) and rock!

This is one of 2 shows I missed this year, and I truly regret that. I couldn’t see Camera Obscura because I was traveling to cure my consumption, but I just blew it with the Baseball Project. Just blew it. Bad call, no instant replay.

Anyway, watch the gang perform on Letterman and then have a dog and a beer. Enjoy, especially the howling and bouncing LePhilistine friend, Scott McCaughey.

Consider this a new segment that will focus on the worst in mainstream advertising. Our editors will review and critique the most putrid offerings from Madison Avenue and award it a Suckie. The offending piece will have to be something that would make Don Draper punch his dead hooker while shaking a Manhattan and changing in to a cleaner, starchier white shirt.

For your consideration, Lephilistine presents our very first recipient, the Black Eyed Peas for Direct TV. Stay for the ending when will.i.am, who is walking an elephant on the moon, says “I be rockin’ Direct TV.” Was that line really in the script? Does the copy writer need a grammarian?

Well, it has been quite a year for will.i.am, the leader and “brains” behind BEP. First, he mashed up a Barack Obama speech into an A-list celebrity free-for-all sentimental video and song, “Yes We Can,” and then he appeared as John Wraith in the XMen prequel, “Xmen Origins: Wolverine.” Why not cash in with a little satellite hook-up?

The star of the commercial has to be Stacy “Fergie” Ferguson, the former child actress, bisexual and one-time meth head. Looking less manly than usual, Fergs looks like the only thing more wonderful than sitting in a pond would be watching TBS on a Direct TV. To think that she was once the voice of Charlie Brown’s sister, Sally, in 2 Peanuts movies!

I know what you’re thinking. Why wasn’t the first Suckie awarded to those idiotic Coors Light commercials that involve footage of former NFL coaches? Obviously, because I am afraid of Mike Ditka.

Before I get to future considerations regarding “Sing Them Blues, White Girl: The Jackie Jormp-Jomp Story,” and continuing with Joe Flaherty Week, I want to explain my role in former Republican House Majority Leader Dick Armey’s plan to derail health care reform.

When I was younger and looked like an Israeli comic, I met Dick Armey, who was not impressed when I told him that I thought the Dick Army was a rag-tag paramilitary group of ex-porn stars. Long story short: Dick Armey looks like he’s ready for the wild rumpus to start. Now, Dick is an ex-Congressman who heads FreedomWorks, a rag-tag group of former porn stars who want to end health care reform before it begins.

FreedomWorks is a division of Americans for Prosperity, as opposed to Americans for Poverty, their much less-successful ultra ego. Anyway the FreedomWorks website boasts mainly helpful slogans to “Take Action Now to Stop Obama’s Health Care Takeover!” How can you help?

Well, memorize these talking points courtesy of the big Dick:
1 ) Obamacare is riddled with taxes
2 ) Will lead to Medicare cuts
3 ) It’s going to raise insurance premiums
4 ) Obamacare is Force, not Choice
5 ) Nothing but a big insurance boondoggle
6 ) Your privacy will be violated
7 ) No lawsuit reform
8 ) Has strong bi-partisan opposition

That last one especially stings because Dick Armey was always about reaching across the aisle to disgruntled Democrats. Number 4 is poignant also, because Republicans have always been strong supporters of “choice.” Let’s chalk that one up as another boondoggle.

Hey, the website also offers quotes from Dick that he stole from Reagan. Like this one, “Never believe it when someone says, ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.” Zing! Like people will ever forget Obama’s gaffe of “Heckuva job, Brownie.” Or this Dick gem, “Old fogies don’t tolerate young fogies.” The message is clear: Dick supports gay marriage. He just prefers to call gay men “fogies.”

Of course, while you are gluing tea bags to your hats and pasting Hitler moustaches on pictures of the President, remember that as a former House Member, Dick Armey gets taxpayer funded health care for the rest of his life. His spouse too! And not Medicare, but the champagne of health care plans. So when Dick Armey tells the government to keep their paws off of his health care, we know why. It’s free. And Freedom works for Dick Armey.

Okay, so what’s happening with that Jackie Jormp-Jomp biopic? Not sure, but let’s take a look.

Who says the Jimmy Carter years weren’t funny?