They say the doors to the halls of power are open to just about anyone, and to prove that point I spent an evening with our greatest House Speaker ever, the divine miss Nancy. Okay, I exaggerate. It wasn’t an entire evening. In fact, those of us at the 116 Club were just about to give up on her arrival when the Earth shook, the doors flung open and in walked a dream lady. So charming, so stunning. I swear I heard Bobby Short yell, “Charlie!”

Madam Speaker Pelosi, who with any sanity in our nation of religiously gun fanatics, will return to that exalted position after the mid-terms (don’t count on it, lephilistine) was a delight. She declined a cocktail, which meant I had to rely strictly on charm, and gave a speech excoriating her elephantine colleagues. Perfect. Then I made my move for what will surely be a Pulitzer!

Me: Madam Speaker, so nice of you to make it.

Nancy: Well, I wanted to come earlier, but…

Me: You’re here now. By the way, I think your film maker daughter is terrific.

Nancy: Yes. She’s our youngest.

Me: Be that as it may. I want you to know that my brother loves you. Not in a weird way. In fact, we all do. I mean, my family.

Nancy: Thank you. That’s so nice.

Me: Why are these men squeezing my arms. Owww, that hurts. Nancy!!!!

The interview ended abruptly, but I had what I needed. Look at the photo again. Look at the placement of her hand on my heart. Think of me as a metaphor for America. Think of some 80s hair band singing, “We’re coming home.” Ice Hockey. TGIFridays. Cash for Gold. America, it’s been a long, cold, lonely winter.

Speaking of bands, Hospitality has a new record out. Their debut record finished first in our Top 20 not so long ago. I know what you’re thinking, Jeff, and the answer is “yes.” We shall have our 2013 Top 20 done in a matter of days. Tabulating is not as easy as it looks.