So I have been wearing this McBush button lately in an effort to elicit a chuckle and show my disdain for the Republican ticket. Seems to be backfiring. Most people who see it assume I’m supporting the Geezer and the GILF. Perhaps it is too subtle. I can see where you might be confused. After all, who in 2008 is still invoking the name “Bush.”

The problem, though, is that the way Vietnam Vic is running his campaign he’s starting to make me miss George W. On the same day the stock market and foreign markets crashed, when Lehman Brothers filed the largest bankruptcy ever and Merrill Lynch sold for pennies on the dollar, Grampy McNumbnuts said, “The fundamentals of our economy is still strong.” And then he went outside and bought an apple from a street vendor who used to be a stock broker.

From this day forward I will be wearing a new button: McHoover.

Sarah Barracuda continues to lie her way to relevance. No, she never actually “told the congress, thanks but no thanks” for the Bridge to Nowhere funding. She actually lobbied for it. Her latest lie: her teleprompter stopped working during her convention speech so she winged it. Oh, that’s believable. Great speakers always usually avoid being interviewed. Of course, her lying seems to work well in some circles. So well, in fact, that McHoover has started telling whoppers like he invented the Blackberry. It’s one thing to take credit for encouraging American businesses to be inventive, but it’s quite another to pat yourself on the back over a Canadian company’s success. And, why in fact, would McHoover claim to even own a Blackberry when he’s previously admitted not knowing how to send or receive email? Weird

Speaking of weird, Jonathan Cohn writes in The New Republic about answering a push-poll recently. Push-polls, you may remember, were popularized in the 2000 presidential race when they were used against McHoover by the Team Bush. (Sample from 2000: would you be more or less likely to vote for McCain if you knew he’d fathered an illegitimate black child? And other classy stuff). Anyway, the McHoovers are running a push-poll in New York, Pennsylvania, Michigan and Florida, four states with large Jewish populations. Not sure New York is in play, but he’d certainly pick up some political capital by winning Brooklyn. Here are the questions they are asking our Jewish-American friends which are all prefaced with “would you vote for Obama if you knew:

· Obama has had a decade long relationship with pro-Palestinian leaders in Chicago

· the leader of Hamas, Ahmed Yousef, expressed support for Obama and his hope for Obama’s victory

· the church Barack Obama has attended is known for its anti-Israel and anti-American remarks

· Jimmy Carter’s anti-Israel national security advisor is one of Barack Obama’s foreign policy advisors

· Barack Obama was the member of a board (sic) that funded a pro-Palestinian chartiable organization

· Barack Obama called for holding a summit of Muslim nations excluding Israel if elected president

This last one begs the obvious question: why would you invite Israel to a summit of Muslim nations? Sure you might invite David Brenner or KISS to perform, but I’d don’t think you’d invite actual Israeli’s. No, not even the Zohan.

7 weeks to go until the election and all I keep thinking is: How low will McHoover go to win this thing? I have visions of the “Reperations Ad” running through my head. Yikes.

At least we don’t have to wait anymore weeks for the new Okkervil River CD. “The Stand-Ins” was released on Tuesday and not a moment too soon. Will Sheff and company just seem to be getting better and better which each new effort. Here’s a photo of me and Mr. Sheff discussing why he hates the term “Lit-Rock.” Me: if you hate it so much why don’t you stop reading? Him: what does one have to do with other? Me: I interviewed Norman Mailer once. Him: hey, that’s my wallet. Police!

Finally, R.I.P. author David Foster Wallace, who hanged himself over the weekend. I’m not sure why he didn’t wait for the movie version of “The Infinite Jest” to be released, but I assume he had his reasons. Say Hi to Norman Mailer for me.

Forget for a minute that Sarah Barracuda was mayor of Wasilla, Alaska – population Meth heads, and concentrate more on her role in yet another Bush Policy failure. Abstinence Only! Say what you want about the conservative mantra of saving taxpayers money by eliminating wasteful spending programs, but Team Bush sure poured in a lot of cash into promoting Just Say No to Intercourse! Billions of dollars, actually. Internationally, aid to developing countries was held up until they agreed to spread the word about no more booty calls. Health classes throughout these United States, and perhaps Alaska, taught students not to “round third.” George W. was the third base coach giving the “hold sign.”

So why didn’t it work for Bristol Barracuda and thousands of other teenagers in this country? Well, teenagers, like most Americans, neither approve of or listen to anything George W. promotes. Which is also why we can’t get their pimply faces to join the Army, either.

Kids in Wasilla or Anchorage are no different than kids in Newark, New Jersey, except that they’re whiter and use more Crystal Meth per capita. Even kids of Chief Executives like the Moose Hunter have tattoos (Track has one of Jesus on his calf! – yeah, one for our team!) And they also sometimes succumb to the raging hormones that make an asshole jock with a mullet and a Bullet for my Valentine t-shirt seem like a perfect choice to be your baby’s daddy.

So, yes, let’s not attack Bristol for being a teenager, let’s attack her for being a congregant of the Assemblies of God Church. Holy shit, what a bunch of freaks!

Seriously, Jeremiah Wright, god bless his crazy ass, never said anything nearly as oddball as Sarah Barracuda’s pastor. Not only do Assembly of God preachers want to see the End of Days, but Pastor Frozen Nuts sees Alaska as a safe haven for the true believers. That’s assuming they don’t get called up in the Rapture. Also, they preach about Iraq as a “Holy War.” They speak in tongues, they roll around on the floor and they hate the gays. You know, real Americana stuff.

So, if you’re keeping score at home, the son of an immigrant who earned a Ph.D. and a single mom who also earned a Ph. D., a student of the best schools in America, President of Harvard Law Review, a faithful husband and father of two, an author, a Senator and a well-spoken, thoughtful intelligent leader is less American than a slack-jawed, Moose-eating, Left Behind-listening on tape, baby machine. Only in America! Well, unless Barracuda gets her way and Alaska secedes from the U.S.

Wow, think about that: President of Alaska! Then she really would have to engage in diplomacy with Russia. (Helpful Hint for Sarah Barracuda: look in to Putin’s eyes, you can really SEE his soul.)

I accept. When Joe Biden asked me to be his running mate those were only the words that came to mind. When he clarified that by “running mate” he meant “a cup of coffee” I still accepted. You see, I still believe in the immortal words of that one Kennedy dude who said, “Ask not for your country. But ask for a chicken in every pot. Ich bin ein Berliner.”

This year’s Democratic National Convention has made that point abundantly clear: we are all Berliners. Whether we are wearing funny hats on the convention floor or whether we are arguing with Chris Matthews about Barack Obama being a Muslim, we are Berliners. Whether we are the Obama children hamming it up with their declarations of love or Hillary Clinton pleading with her Jim Jones-like followers to try another Kool Aid, we are Berliners. Whether we are former Virginia Governor Mark Warner wondering how big a lead we would have over John McCain had we been able to get a few delegates or whether we are Jon Stewart trying to appear satiric when clearly we are in our glory, we are Berliners.

So enjoy it folks, because by the time the Republican National Convention takes place it’s going to feel Old Timey again. And by “Old Timey” I mean, Jim Crow Laws. Yikes.

Speaking of Jim Crow, why has the word “muslim” become tantamount to calling someone a terrorist? We do all know that every Muslim isn’t a terrorist, right? Right? The cable “news” Idiocrats all like to associate “muslim” as a pejorative implying terrorism. In fact our own home grown Goebbels, Pat Buchanan and Karl Rove, like to keep beating a drum that says Americans will not vote for a man with a “muslim” sounding name. Well, Democrats sure voted for him, so I guess that makes them not Americans.

I am a Berliner.

Hey, are you in the market for an exciting roman a clef about drumming for the mob? Then buy my friend Frank’s book “Drummer for the Mob,” and read all about the real life exploits of a mob drummer. You can purchase the book at www.DrummerforTheMob.com . You’ll be glad you did.