Remember the lead President Obama had over Mitch Romney prior to the first debate? What? It’s Mitt? Really? Are you sure? Okay, anyway the President had a insurmountable lead. Happy days are here again. A puppy in every pot. Blah blah blah.

The Oligarchs who fund SuperPacs met in their secret fortress and decided that the Borin’ Morman was a bad choice after all, and that they would have to draft a new strategy for world domination. The plan was, as reported by the NY Times and others, that they would pull money from promoting Romney and put it into their Senate candidates. In other words, let Obama keep the White House. We’ll buy the Senate.

So what did Team Obama do? They looked at the map with projected electoral college votes. They did the basic math and proclaimed, “hey, we’ve already locked up a landslide. This is awesome.” Then some buzz kill said, “But what if we lose the Senate.” Uh oh. Someone, probably Axelrod, said “And that would be worse than having Harry Reid how?” Ha ha ha. Everyone ate Oreos and took magic mushrooms.

Then they imagined how awful Senate Majority Leader Jowly McConnell would be. Committee Chairs Randy Paul and that asshole from South Carolina. No, not him. The other one. And, of course, the Ancient Goiter from the desert. Oy vey.

So someone threw out an idea. A hair-brained, wonderful idea. Probably Axelrod. “Hey, what if you threw the first debate? Spoke like a lamo. Seemed disinterested and disoriented. Get Romney back in the game. Might get the Oligarchs into thinking they could still win the White House. I mean, we still only need to win Ohio anyway.”

“But what if we don’t win Ohio?” said someone, maybe Sasha.

“Romney said to hell with the auto industry. No way he can win Ohio,” said, and I’m guessing, Axelrod. “This will work. Remember Muhammad Ali.”

Sadly, the younger staffers didn’t know who the hell Ali was and older ones didn’t want anything to do with anything else named Muhammad. Axelrod continued:

“It’s a typical sports ploy. You appear to be weak to give your opponent false hope. You exhaust their resources and energy letting them think they’re winning, and then, blammo, you knock them out. I’m a genius.”

And with that plan in place they summoned John Kerry to “coach” the president on how to lose a debate to a despicable opponent whom most of America wouldn’t mind seeing punched in his saleman’s chin. Good work, everybody! Obama can remain the president and Todd Akin won’t be a senator. Win-win!!

So the President seemed sleepy at the first debate in Denver last week. Unless Mitt can lie his way out of wanting to bankrupt the Detroit auto industry he cannot win Ohio. Impossible. The President has an insurmountable lead. Add up the electoral college votes in the projected blue states and it’s starting to look like a blow out. Not fuzzy math, just basic arithmetic.

In 2008, Mitt didn’t spend enough to upset John McCain, who still seems to be in a perpetual state of upset. Beginning in 2011, Mitt began the process of buying the GOP nomination. He outspent his ludicrous opponents by enormous sums of money and still had a difficult time putting away Newt Gingrich, Michelle Bachmann, Herman Cain and Rick Santorum. Think about that! Remember those names!

Now Mitt has to run against an incumbent president with a growing economy and an okay approval rating. Oh, and the President has as much or more money to spend than Mitt.

Oh, and Mitt’s a dick. His entire demeanor is dickish. His uncaffeinated body oozes dickish insincerity. He’s a bully, an oddball, an elitist, but mostly a dick.

So fear not, America, and enjoy the following video.