LePhilistine has learned that ESPN has suspended broadcaster and NFL Hall of Famer Bob Griese one week for a remark he made about NASCAR driver Juan Pablo Montoya.

An ESPN spokesmodel Josh Krulewitz says the legendary Dolphin will not be working a game this week. Krulewitz says ESPN has spoken to Griese and “he understands the punch line was weak.”

The Jan Murray-style delivery occurred during ESPN’s broadcast of the Minnesota-Ohio State game Saturday, a graphic was shown listing the top five drivers in NASCAR’s points race. Fellow analyst Chris Spielman asked where was Montoya, who is from Columbia.

Griese replied he was “out having a taco.”

In a tearful apology, Griese explained “I should have said doing a line of coke. He’s a Columbian, not a Mexican. I apologize for my lack of wit.”

In other news, Dane Cook is preparing a Comedy Central special around a joke involving Juan Pablo Montoya and tacos.

Finally got around to seeing Steven Soderbergh’s latest, The Informant, starring Matt Damon, mostly because I’m a fan, and because it looked amusing in the trailers. I’m not going to review a movie that has been out for 3 weeks other than to say it’s worth seeing. Damon plays the world’s least reliable narrator ever, and you’re never really sure if he’s just a pathological liar or severely mentally ill. Either way, the darkness of Damon’s character eventually overshadows all of the chuckles.

In an odd twist to film making, Soderbergh casts comedians in pivotal, non-comedic roles. The list is impressive too. Tom Papa, Rick “The Drake” Overton, Scott Adsit, Tom and Dick Smothers, Bob Zany, Patton Oswalt, Paul F. Tompkins, Jimmy Brogan, Andrew Daly and Allan Havey. It’s a virtual Who’s Been of Comedy Central. But why? It’s like Soderbergh wants to build up anticipation of laughter in the audience without having to deliver jokes.

He even uses a whimsical score by Marvin Hamlish to add to the build up of laughter that never comes. At least that seems to be what he’s doing, because I don’t think he wants us laughing at this character. He couldn’t, right?

Soderbergh’s other inspired bit of casting involves Tom Wilson as the Head of Security for ADM. We remember last seeing Wilson as “Biff” from the “Back to the Future” movies. I can only assume David Brenner was not available.

The other casting choices that made me question his motives were having Scott Bakula and Joel McHale as F.B.I. agents. Both Bakula and McHale have new television shows to promote. Either they are both on a pretty good run or the studio dropped them in like cans of Coke for some cross promotion. Not that they didn’t perform their respective parts well, but I’m guessing some “actors” might have been available.

I guess I should just be grateful he didn’t work Julia Roberts into the mix and shut up.

Hey, speaking of dead comedians, Soupy Sales took one final pie to the face. Unfortunately, the Grim Reaper put a brick in it. Rest in peace, funny man. You’ll be missed.

Pre-rant announcement to make. I’ve just coined the term “Reich Winger” TM to describe race-baiting conservatives who pledge their fealty to evil corporations. Please feel not-so-free to use it. 5 cents, please.

Speaking of Reich Wingers, Congressional Loon Michele Bachmann Turner Overblown had this to say about Keith Olbermann and MSNBC: “Quite honestly, I don’t even know anything about MSNBC. It’s not a network that I watch and most of the American people agree with that assessment. They aren’t watching it either. And that’s why Fox’s ratings – I mean it’s like CNN, CNBC, MSNBC combined. I think Fox even exceeded one of the major networks last week. They’re on the ascendency.”

Most of the American people agree? Try the vast, humongous majority don’t watch any cable news. Fox (including their Friends) average daily viewership of 1.6 million viewers in a nation of 350 million people. Heckuva job, Foxie.

We are told all of the time how influential Rush Limpwrist is because he has 10 million listeners and impotency. Every day, 340 million Americans choose not to listen to Rush. He must be using some other kind of mind melding sphere of influence to reach them. Maybe he reaches them through NA meetings.

To put Fox’s success into perspective. 75 million viewers turned on to watch the Beatles perform on the Ed Sullivan Show. In fairness, Ed didn’t have to compete with O’Reilly. I’m sure only 74.5 million would have wanted to hold John’s hand. I’d also wager a guess that young Michele didn’t have her Siberian Husky eyes glued to the Fab Four. Probably had a Junior John Birch Meeting that night.

Bachmann, bless her crazy soul, claims that Obamacare is going to create sex clinics at public schools to perform abortion on demand without parental notification. As long as you can also get a teeth cleaning then I’m for it! Not sure what that means.

Finally, saw Michael Moore’s “Capitalism: A Love Story” this past weekend. He really, really loves Obama. And FDR. A great one-sided documentary with comedy. Fantastic scene of Chief of Staff Don Regan barking at President Ronald Reagan to “speed it up.” Who yells at a President? Moore asks. Why the former CEO and Chairman of Merrill Lynch, I guess. He even refers to the Gipper as the Spokesmodel President for corporate America. Fly to a multi-plex near you today.

NASA, either with too much time on its hands, too much money in its coffers or being just really big fans of Mr. Show have announced plans to blow up the moon. Not really, but close. The Lunar Crater Observing and Sensing Satellite or LCROSS mission will send a missile traveling at twice the speed of a bullet to blast a hole in the lunar surface of the moon on Friday.

The plan is to find water, or at least ice. Because if the moon has ice can cocktails be far behind?

OP/ED from guest columnist David Brooks

De Toqueville wrote that “Americans will shoot you for no apparent reason,” and no one lives that philosophy more elegantly than Saturday Night Live superstar Will Forte. Forte could have been a modern day Andrew Jackson had he turned his attention away from comedy and towards the rhetoric of war.

In his new book “Conservative Comedy and Iraqi Democracy”, Cato Institute scholar Dr. Pinchas Brooks, no relation, who happens to be my cousin, writes, ” ‘Git-r done’ is the unofficial mantra of our troops working in the Middle East. Well, the white, less-educated troops anyway.” He also details Forte’s brilliant impersonation of former Georgia senator Zell Miller, and claims it to be overtly conservative in it’s depiction of a “conservative hero.”

For his part, Forte humbly declined my request for tickets to this week’s live performance. Applying a method actor’s touch, he used the ingenuity of his most famous creation “MacGruber” to deftly put me on hold and never return to the phone.

I wanted to share with him the good news that he is gaining momentum as a possible candidate for the GOP Presidential nomination in 2012. In an Iowa straw poll held at my recent Atonement dinner, Forte finished in a tie with former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum for third place behind Sarah Palin and former professional wrestler, Junk Yard Dog. Though I think the latter may have been from the lobbying efforts of my youngest son, Lonnie, who is 33.

While people are saying Forte seems uninformed about value voters’ concerns regarding the public option and Roman Polanski, one cannot underestimate his impersonation of South Carolina Congressman Joe Wilson. Forte becomes transformed from motley clothed jester into a genuine voice of an aggrieved nation wondering how they’re going to pay their bills or buy new plastic lawn furniture at the nearest Exurbian Wal-Mart.

President Obama had better be paying attention. Just as he promised change but has so far delivered status quo. Let’s face it, Chicago could have not hosted the 2016 Olympics without him. Meanwhile, Forte is slowly building grassroots momentum on the strength of his many funny voices. When I see “The Falconer” sketches, I think, I’m looking at the face of the 5th Rushmore monument.

The liberal Hollywood establishment has already weighed in. Why hasn’t Forte been cast in a George Clooney movie? They sense that true change comes from the outside looking in. Believe me, I know.