So our President makes retard jokes on late night television. So what? Is he really the first one? Didn’t LBJ compare Ho Chi Minh to a retarded poodle on the Jack Paar Show? Well, he should have. The main reason Obama went on “The Tonight Show” was to dumb down his message to the people. Populism is nothing if not gratuitous and superficial. How could Obama sell his recovery plan to the fans of “Small Town News” if he didn’t talk like one of them.

Of course, this is the second time the subject of bowling has gotten him into trouble. God only knows why a Harvard-educated lawyer needs to prove he’s as  regular a guy as Stretch Cunningham and The Dude. Many thought that Obama lost the Pennsylvania Primary because he threw a few gutterballs while Hilary sat at the bar doing shots of Wild Turkey last April. No, he lost Pennsylvania because as a state it is the birthplace of the Klan. True story.

But in fairness to the Keystone State, the citizens weren’t so retarded that they voted McCain/ Palin.  Oops.

Perhaps the bigger question should be why Obama felt the need to appear not only on Jay Leno’s show, but also on ESPN where he chose his NCAA brackets with Andy Katz. Was this some strategic plan to alleviate national fears by appearing folksy and cornpone? How many times did he use the phrase, “whole buncha folks?” And why Andy Katz? Why not Dick Vitale?

Obama needs to appear to be a little more serious, not less. As the Goldman Sachs crew running Treasury continue to invest our money poorly, the President needs to stop talking about the Tar Heels, Puddin’ Pops and Portuguese Water Dogs and start talking about criminal investigations and asset seizures. How’s that for populism?

Speaking of the poopular, or sort of poopular, The Decemberists latest madcapped genius CD “The Hazards of Love” was released today. Apparently, it is a rock opera. Definitely only for the cool kids – and you know who you are.

Only 2 weeks until Opening Day! Have the Yankees applied for any bailout money yet?

Happy St. Pasquale’s Day (or Patrick, if you insist). Of course, before the frat boys can don their green Cat in the Hat chapeaux and their drunk-girl dates puke into their Uggs, a police officer has been shot dead in a republican stronghold in Northern Ireland – the third such killing in 48 hours. Great, just what Obama needed. Another hot zone. Send in Team America! (Finally got around to watching that movie, by the way. Hilarious!)

On Monday night, the officer and a colleague were responding to a call about “suspicious activity” in County Armagh when their patrol cars were attacked and they were fired on; the second officer was injured and Stephen Rea ran into the arms of a transvestite. Two days earlier, a pair of unarmed soldiers were shot dead as they picked up pizzas in County Antrim. No word on whether or not delivery was an option. “Loyalist paramilitaries have so far resisted reaction, despite numerous attacks against police officers over the past 18 months,” The Times of London reports. “But while the death of soldiers is regarded as an attack on the British state, the murder of a local police officer may be interpreted as an attack on the local unionist community.” One local officer was quoted as saying, “No fairsees.”

Le Philistine remains sympathetic to republican causes but will not halt any drinking activities over the next several days. We have accrued way too much Jameson’s to stop the tippling. True story: I have a “diploma” from the Jameson’s distillery. I drank 8 jiggers of whiskey in a little over a minute. Next time you’re in Dublin don’t forget to tour the Jameson’s river of joy juice.

In other news, Dave Matthews continues to piss me off. British geniuses Gomez have a new record out, but I find myself indifferent because they are signed to Matthews ATO label. Plus, when we (the Blognesso’s) saw them live, they attracted DMB Frat-tards. Oh, and I heard today that best live band in the Milky Way, the Hold Steady, are opening for DMB on some dates this summer. Hacky sack meets chill out tent. Story at eleven.

Cheers!

Thank heavens that February is over. What an asshole month. Stupid groundhog. Why do we need 1.2 billion dollars to study rodent behavior and it’s effects on climate anyway? Exactly, Bobby Jindal. The legend has it that young Jindal-gee growing up in American chose his own first name from watching episodes of the “Brady Bunch.” Man, I wish he would have picked Jan.

We are now about 40 days and nights into the Obama presidency and still the Ford Motor Company hasn’t taken a penny of bailout money. So am I to believe that greasers still drive Mustangs?

By the way, we finally got around to publishing our Top 20 CDs of 2008. Check it out and you’re welcome. We do the heavy lifting so you don’t have to. We’re like enablers for your ears and music is the heroin. So that makes deafness rehab. What a stupid metaphor. All right, just check out the list.

The race for number 1 of 2009 begins tomorrow with the release of “Middle Cyclone,” the latest and greatest from Neko Case. Great album or greatest album? Jury is still out. All I know is that I bought 5 to give as Easter presents.

Shugo Tokumaru’s “Exit” didn’t make our Top 20 list from last year but only because I just bought it. If you love Japanese pop music as much as we do then download “Parachute” right now. Done? Well, what did I tell you. Apparently, he’s a wonder boy pounding out little symphonies to Buddha in his bedroom. Don’t look now but Sophia Coppola is filming him!

4 days until “Watchmen!” I hope the blue body paint I bought to wear to the premiere isn’t toxic.