Here come guns to the rescue one more time. Damn, these ineffectual Republicans! Can’t seem to get anything right. All right, your old friend the Gun is here to help. What can I do? Shoot the gavel? Pistol whip the Sergeant at Arms? Scream “Yee Haw” and fire off a few rounds in the rotunda? There has to be some way to stop this here Socialism.

Like the signs says, I didn’t vote for the Socialist. I voted for the creepy, old guy with the cheek goiter and the moose-fucking retard lady.

No, but seriously, he said winkingly, it took cutting a pro-life deal with Bart Stupak to pass Healthcare Reform? Most healthcare provided by companies has a tax-incentive to pay for it. In a sense, taxpayers fund employee provided healthcare.  Employee funded healthcare allows for reproductive rights! Why does Congress hate maybe-babies? Gelatinous Goo killers!

So I was in the Emergency Room getting my “free” weekly chemo treatments talking to the guy in the bed next to me who was there for his “free” dialysis when this woman, who was there to deliver a baby, started freaking out. She had a co-pay. No, I’m kidding it was “free.”

Not really sure where this post is heading. Still wondering if the best healthcare in the world moved up a notch on the World Health Organization’s ratings board. Take that Estonia! We’re number 36 now. U.S.A. U.S.A.

The bill now heads back to the Senate where Mitch McConnell and Joe Lieberman will face each other in a jowl off. It will get ugly, but I’m sure you already knew that.

Mourn for Alex Chilton. Dead at 59 from an overabundance of coolness.

If you have been waiting impatiently, like we have, for a new Beulah record since 2003’s “Yoko,” even though you knew, as did we, that Beulah disbanded, as it were, and that band leader Miles Kurosky was suffering health problems, then good news. Miles has released a solo record, “The Desert of Shallow Effects.” Reader knows how much we admire the Beulah, as their classic CD “The Coast is Never Clear” made our Essential 20 CDs list. Check out the photo page for a Nik Pic with Miles, then go shopping, ya wogs. Stuff ye pockets full of pence and run to the music downloader. In the meantime, here’s a sample:

Our reader knows that the Low Anthem finished in the Top 20 of our annual best music slash best moustache poll. What you don’t know is that the editorial board decided to pay them a visit disguised as Bad Blake. Yes, the fictional character. “Another McClure’s, please.”

So the tickets read: Doors open at 7pm, show starts at 8pm. Her Mims figured that the opening act would finish up around 8:30pm just as she was making her way from work to the show. She arrived in time to see Bad Blake yelling at the band as they played their final song. Again, I apologize.

In other Low Anthem news, they’ve added a 4th member whom they claim to have met as he hitchhiked in Europe.  Oh, so we’re country dropping now. Is that it? Anyway, I think the newbie throws off the dynamic. I liked watching 3 people jumping around to play 20 different instruments. The 4th guy’s like new Darren. Not a fan.

Etouffe and Planet Roz tried to keep my spirits up by telling me to lay off the McClure’s.  Oh, and also to stop requesting “Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road.” I don’t see why they couldn’t cover Loudon Wainwright III. I know he’s not Brown material, but then who is?

Ben Knox Miller, apparently. Here he is trying to engage Roz in a staring contest. I told him, “Son, keep your chin up.” And I’m not really sure he knows a lot about Charles Darwin. Plus, why was he wearing a sleep mask? And while we’re on the subject, one of the “instruments” Ben played was his cell phone. Gawd! Now every jack ass with a ring tone and a Cricket account is going to declare themselves to be a musician.

Here I am with bassist/drummer/bassist again/ guitar playing Jeff Prystowsky. He claims to be an amateur baseball historian so of course I had to challenge his knowledge. You’re going down, Prystowsky!

First question: bigger feet – Barry Bonds or Cap Anson?

Next: Indicted in cocaine scandal – Lonnie Smith or Frank “Home Run” Baker?*

Finally: Which pitcher threw out the inaugural pitch for both the Seattle Pilots and the Seattle Mariners.

0 for 3. Take a seat on the bench, Prystowsky. Now buy me another McClure’s.

* Trick question. Cocaine was legal when Baker played.

Do you like being groped by large men at night clubs? Tired of being told “I’m Deon Sanders, bitch!” by every well-dressed black man on the dance floor? Do you need Mel Kiper, Jr. to help you settle a paternity suit?

If drunken bathroom sex is in your future, enter today! Contest not sanctioned by the NFL.  Contest limited to women between the ages of 12 and 20. Trannies not eligible. Remember, he wasn’t going to respect you in the morning anyway.