Consider this a new segment that will focus on the worst in mainstream advertising. Our editors will review and critique the most putrid offerings from Madison Avenue and award it a Suckie. The offending piece will have to be something that would make Don Draper punch his dead hooker while shaking a Manhattan and changing in to a cleaner, starchier white shirt.

For your consideration, Lephilistine presents our very first recipient, the Black Eyed Peas for Direct TV. Stay for the ending when, who is walking an elephant on the moon, says “I be rockin’ Direct TV.” Was that line really in the script? Does the copy writer need a grammarian?

Well, it has been quite a year for, the leader and “brains” behind BEP. First, he mashed up a Barack Obama speech into an A-list celebrity free-for-all sentimental video and song, “Yes We Can,” and then he appeared as John Wraith in the XMen prequel, “Xmen Origins: Wolverine.” Why not cash in with a little satellite hook-up?

The star of the commercial has to be Stacy “Fergie” Ferguson, the former child actress, bisexual and one-time meth head. Looking less manly than usual, Fergs looks like the only thing more wonderful than sitting in a pond would be watching TBS on a Direct TV. To think that she was once the voice of Charlie Brown’s sister, Sally, in 2 Peanuts movies!

I know what you’re thinking. Why wasn’t the first Suckie awarded to those idiotic Coors Light commercials that involve footage of former NFL coaches? Obviously, because I am afraid of Mike Ditka.