Making fun of right wing nuts, Fox ghouls and Palinistas is a hobby here at Le Philistine. However, we always did so with our Gene Simmons-like tongue epoxied to our cheek. We always laughed “near them” knowing that the U.S.A. is not some backwater former Soviet Republic. For every Tea Party enthusiast there are hundreds of Ivy League educated leaders using their “thinking machines” to improve lives and make this is a better, though somewhat, oilier world.

Then along comes Sharron Angle, the Tea Party U.S. Senate candidate turned Republican primary winner in Nevada, who has taken heat for a number of extreme affiliations and policy positions that sound like they originated in the Asian Steppes. One of her more incendiary comments was a statement she made during a radio interview last January in which she proclaimed the public would bring down an out-of-control Congress with “Second Amendment remedies.”

Angle also used the threat of “Second Amendment remedies” if she doesn’t win the election against Harry Reid in November. Has she learned nothing from history? At least the decent right wing nuts of Minnesota had the common sense to tamper with Senator Paul Wellstone’s plane and not shoot him to achieve their goals. Oops.

Of course, Angle’s political theories on how to manage a government sound eerily similar to situations in Asia. Kyrgyzstan’s interim leader Rosa Otunbayeva said recently that the death toll from savage ethnic violence and “second amendment remedies” in the south of the country could be as high as 2,000. Hundreds of thousands of ethic Uzbeks were forced to flee their homes as un-friendly fire descended upon them from their neighbors and co-workers.

Kyrgyzstan, having just survived a bloody coup, took the opportunity of having a weak government to exterminate many of their fellow citizens. Could this same remedy be in store for the illegal hospitality workers of Las Vegas if Angle Annie Oakley gets elected?

And what of our ally Hamid Karzai, The Big Feta of Afghanistan? Although the Taliban insurgency remains the greatest threat to Afghanistan’s stability, graft at almost every level of society remains a major complaint of ordinary Afghans and anyone shady enough to be doing business with the country. In Afghan society, “second amendment remedies” are a way of life. Just ask Gen. Stanley McChrystal.

To her credit, Angle has made a number of truly bat-shit crazy suggestions. Abolish Social Security? Check. Abolish Medicare? Check. Deny abortions to victims of rape? Holy Check! See, God even has a plan for an ill-conceived little life form. Who cares if it’s existence is a constant reminder to Mom that she wants to blow her brains out. Not Sharron Angle.

The Tea Party: It Has to be a Democratic Ploy to Hold onto Power! Right? Is this on?

With less than 30 months to go before the next presidential election, Sarah Palin is back to book learnin’. Still stinging from the revelations in the book “Game Change” that showed Sarah believing that Saddam was behind 9-11, that Africa was a country, and that the Founding Fathers of America all came over together on the Mayflower and literally “found” America, she has decided to “get smart!” Wearing her smart glasses and her smarty pants, Sarah has been studying with noted conservative scholars at the Heritage Foundation to prepare for her eventual debates with Barack Obama.

However, according to sources, it isn’t going as well as some had hoped. Some concepts remain out of her ability to grasp. From her curriculum, come these exchanges:

Please describe the peace process in the Middle East? (Jesus was the Prince of Peace and he was a Jew, right? I mean, Jewish American.)

What are the major tenants of Islam? (Seems like theys all named Mohammed. Todd said they eat babies.)

Describe the relationship between the U.S. and China: (Oh, we even got a Chineyman in Wasilla. He runs the Clorox and Sudafed store. He don’t have front teeth.)

When news of these answers were leaked, Ms. Palin’s approval ratings soared. Rupert Murdoch was so impressed by the nuances of her answers that he proposed to replace Chris Wallace with Palin as the host of “Fox Sunday.”

In a related story, Todd Palin has sold the rights to his life story to Kevin Federline for a posted-dated check in the amount of “like a trillion dollars.”

Hell’s Parish, LA, – Business Week reports leaks that restaurant giant McDonald’s Corp. has made an initial offer of $2.5 billion for the naming rights to the BP Deepwater Horizon oil spill. If the offer is accepted, then going forward all media references to the oil disaster will have to refer to the “McDonald’s Oil Contamination of the Gulf Coast.” No word yet on whether or not BP is ready to accept the offer.

“We see tremendous synergies between the oil spill and our menu,” said McDonald’s spokesperson, Ted “Whitey” Wertman. “When people think of oil and greasy residue, especially in the deep southern states, we want them to think of McDonald’s.”

As they continue to think of new ways to stop the ocean bottom oil gusher, BP has remained the top story in the 24-hour news cycle for nearly 40 days. While their inability to prevent or even lessen the worst man-made disaster ever inflicted on North America continues, BP remains an easily identifiable brand in the market. In fact, retail sales of BP gasoline have never been higher.

“It’s a win for BP right now,” said Mark Penn, CEO of PR juggernaut Burson Marsteller. “No press is bad press, right? People aren’t really paying attention anymore to the apocalyptic nature of the disaster, they’re just remembering the brand. Why BP would give that up, well, it’s mind-boggling.”

If the naming rights deal goes through, Wertman said that McDonald’s plans to reintroduce Super Sizing, as well as a new “disaster” menu which will include replacing the Quarter Pounder with a Half Pounder, the Big Mac with the Huge Mac and featuring the Filet O’Fish with a new Skull and Crossbones design.

“We’re pumped,” said Wertman. “Coke is on board and plans to develop a gallon sized drink container. And we are in negotiations with Phillip Morris to provide smokes in all of our Happy Meals. It’s all about families. We couldn’t be more excited.”

The launch of the oil spill naming rights will include a concert by rock super stars R.E.M. at the Louisiana Superdome provided McDonald’s can also buy the rights to the band’s song, “It’s The End of the World As We Know It.”