Hell’s Parish, LA, – Business Week reports leaks that restaurant giant McDonald’s Corp. has made an initial offer of $2.5 billion for the naming rights to the BP Deepwater Horizon oil spill. If the offer is accepted, then going forward all media references to the oil disaster will have to refer to the “McDonald’s Oil Contamination of the Gulf Coast.” No word yet on whether or not BP is ready to accept the offer.

“We see tremendous synergies between the oil spill and our menu,” said McDonald’s spokesperson, Ted “Whitey” Wertman. “When people think of oil and greasy residue, especially in the deep southern states, we want them to think of McDonald’s.”

As they continue to think of new ways to stop the ocean bottom oil gusher, BP has remained the top story in the 24-hour news cycle for nearly 40 days. While their inability to prevent or even lessen the worst man-made disaster ever inflicted on North America continues, BP remains an easily identifiable brand in the market. In fact, retail sales of BP gasoline have never been higher.

“It’s a win for BP right now,” said Mark Penn, CEO of PR juggernaut Burson Marsteller. “No press is bad press, right? People aren’t really paying attention anymore to the apocalyptic nature of the disaster, they’re just remembering the brand. Why BP would give that up, well, it’s mind-boggling.”

If the naming rights deal goes through, Wertman said that McDonald’s plans to reintroduce Super Sizing, as well as a new “disaster” menu which will include replacing the Quarter Pounder with a Half Pounder, the Big Mac with the Huge Mac and featuring the Filet O’Fish with a new Skull and Crossbones design.

“We’re pumped,” said Wertman. “Coke is on board and plans to develop a gallon sized drink container. And we are in negotiations with Phillip Morris to provide smokes in all of our Happy Meals. It’s all about families. We couldn’t be more excited.”

The launch of the oil spill naming rights will include a concert by rock super stars R.E.M. at the Louisiana Superdome provided McDonald’s can also buy the rights to the band’s song, “It’s The End of the World As We Know It.”