Our editorial team just returned from our holiday sojourn to find perpetually confused New York Times columnist David Brooks wondering why there are not more liberals in America, in what Brooks speculates to be a “golden age for liberalism.”

He writes: “Given the circumstances, this should be a golden age of liberalism. Yet the percentage of Americans who call themselves liberals is either flat or in decline. There are now two conservatives in this country for every liberal. Over the past 40 years, liberalism has been astonishingly incapable at expanding its market share.”

Or, perhaps, Dave, fanatical right-wing media, religious institutions and institutional racism have people afraid to admit that they are in fact liberals. Though, a better answer might be that people are either delusional, ignorant or sub-moronic. Think the Teabagger Grandpappy who screamed for the government to take their hands off of his Medicare. I’m sure Pee Paw thinks he’s a true blue conservative and not some European-styled socialist.

In national poll after national poll, people overwhelmingly agree with the domestic policies of the Democrats. People want more medical care for the sick and elderly, they want better schools, they want drivable roads and public transportation, they want to be able to breath the air and drink the water. Just don’t call them liberals. They’re smart enough to know that that is a dirty word.

On the national average, Americans watch 8 hours of television a day. However, ask an American if they watched the latest episode of “The Bachelor” and you’ll no doubt get this response: “I rarely watch television.”

Similarly, ask the middle manager at a paper pushing firm if he supports cutting capital gains taxes or raising taxes on people earning far more than he does, and invariably he’ll scream, “Commie!” Why? Because Americans don’t see themselves as working poor. They see themselves as 1 winning lottery ticket away from packing up the jaloppy and moving to Beverly Hills.

There’s an obesity epidemic in this country but the majority of Americans think that they are fit. They just need to watch a football game and the pounds will roll off.

And let’s not forget that a vast majority of the country identifies themselves as Christians, but feel persecuted by the evil, anti-Christian minority. “Happy Holidays” is Satan-speak for death to the infidels! Strangely, a large segment of Christian America seem not to comprehend the teachings of Jeebus. For the record, the Gospels are not and cannot be interpreted to be Pro-Capitalism. They expressly do not condone material wealth but, instead, suggest “giving it all away.”

But, hey, David Brooks, as long as you call yourself a Christian, or healthy, or rich or a Conservative then I guess you are. No wonder conservatives have no problem having “different beliefs” than research scientists. And no wonder a person with a simplistic world view can call himself a columnist.