So July, 2011 is the month that all 2 year olds will have to start sleeping with one eye open. Holy crap, but you can use accidental drowning and driving around with a corpse in your trunk as a defense? And get acquitted? Sign me up.

Casey Anthony, pictured with an anonymous friend, beat the kid, the odds and system. Like the worst episode of “Law and Order” ever, the prosecution built a strong case on circumstantial evidence and lost. Apparently in our justice system you can google ways to kill your child, then kill your child and get acquitted. However, of you have an email conversation with an undercover officer pretending to be a child who claims they want to have sex with you then you go to jail for 10 years. And please don’t read that as an endorsement for crime, just an indictment of our criminal justice system.

Of course, while Casey was preparing to rock her freedom, an authentic mama grizzly protecting her cubs in Yellowstone devoured a 57 year old man and his pic-a-nic basket. Park authorities decided not to kill the bear because the attack was not predatory but an attempt to protect her young. Just like when Sarah Palin growls at President Obama.

Great, now we need 2 posses! What a perfect opportunity for Tim Pawlenty to prove he has testicles!

And speaking of offspring of Mama Grizzlies, Bristol Palin continued her fat, drunk and stupid tour by appearing on “The View” to discuss her memoir, “Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far.” Look out, Proust, but it sounds like she may be journaling. The biggest revelation in the book is that she claims her one-time fiancee date-raped her after a night of wine coolers. Two holes in this story, though. First, she wasn’t alive in the Eighties when people drank wine coolers. And, second, if he raped her then why was she willing to get back together with him. Wanted a bigger family and he was the only one in Alaska with a garage full of Bartles and Jaymes?

Of course, the Palins are liars and media hounds, but I expected more from a “Dancing with the Stars” finalist. Bristol once said in PEOPLE., “If girls realized the consequences of sex, nobody would be having sex.” “Trust me.” How could I?

Bristol should talk to the American historian and Bizarro Presidential Candidate, Michelle Bachmann who had 28 kids (23 rentals, and 5 egged and hatched) about consequences. Michelle, who believes fatherhood begins at age 8 (otherwise, how could John Quincy Adams be a Founding Father), is building her entire campaign on motherhood. That and the inspiration she takes from sharing the same hometown as serial killer, John Wayne Gacy.

Well, at least the Justice Department is spending millions to send former baseball players to jail for using steroids. Priorities!