Even delusional warrior George Zimmerman has condemned a Florida entrepreneur who has said he had sold out of gun range targets depicting a faceless, hood-clad figure holding an iced tea and a bag of Skittles meant to look like Trayvon Martin.

“The response is overwhelming,” the seller told Orlando’s WKMG news team over e-mail. “I sold out in two days.” The station did not identify the seller because of tacit support, and said it found the ad on a popular firearms auctioning website.

Please boycott the south by vacationing in Cuba. Pretend you’re a baseball scout or Jack Ruby.

Fact: “Fight for Your Right (to Party)” was the best American song of the 1980s.

Fact: “Sabotage” was the best video ever.

Fact: Adam “MCA” Yauch was born in 1964. He was not a Baby Boomer! Think anyone born before 1961 could have been a Beastie Boy? Let’s stop this nonsense about Baby Boomers being born between 1946 and 1964. It’s a joke.

Fact: MCA died way too young and will not return as a hologram.

Enjoy:

Hey, remember Tokyo Police Club? Me too. Here’s me looking not so much like Ruben Kincaid with David Monks of TPC when they were promoting “Champ.” Hey, do bands still lose money releasing CDs and touring? Thought so. I tipped him a double sawbuck like I was Henry Hill. Why not? The maitre d’ got me a table up front.

Our editorial staff is still pushing “Betty Wang” by Hospitality as song of the ‘ear, gov’ner. Can’t wait to see them live and living on May 15th. Sadly, can’t say the same for Levon Helm who has finally taken a load off. He’ll be missed by Marty Scorcese and others.

Still experiencing eargasm with The Shins “Port of Morrow.” Yeah, it’s not really a Shins record but I’m not going to argue with James Mercer. Otherwise, I’ll never get a picture. I’m also digging “Mr. M” by Lambchop. Bourbon for the ears.

I’d also like to introduce you to 2 bands that I follow on Twitter and whom I’m expecting big things. Ivy Dye is a catchy as hell pop outfit from Chicago who shall be releasing an EP this summer. Check out the NMH trumpet in “Statue” and tell me these guys aren’t destined to be your new favorite band. Also, find “Modern Man” by Kodacrome. They sent me a link to this song and I keep sampling it like a fine plate of cheese. Delicious. Keep up the good work musicians. Sorry if you lose money creating your art. Some of us still buy music. We’re doing our part.

The more you buy, the more you save. That phrase is not just good for retail, it’s good for retail politics. If you want to save the economy, “Go to the mall and shop.” If you want to save the Republican party, then we are going to have to join them. It’s the only way.

Democrats nationally outnumber Republicans by the millions. It is time for a lot of us Dems, and some like-minded independents, to join the ranks and bring some sanity to the GOP.

If this never-ending presidential primary season has shown us is that moderate, science-believing Republicans are being hunted to extinction. The poop-wielding magic-thinking lunatic fringe are being led to choose a soulless branch manager who has been completely bought and sold by the under-taxed billionaires.

Romney has always been the only possible nominee. He didn’t arrive at this point by surprise. He was manufactured. He’s a Wall Street candidate straight out of central casting. He’s a sexless, boozeless Don Draper without the intellect. He’s the guy they’re betting on for racist America to believe will turn this ship around. The ship that their last guy parked on an iceberg.

He’s also part of their Team who will finally end Social Security, Medicaid and Medicare. The Team that will continue the tax cuts, the oil subsidies and the defense purchasing. The Team that will defund education, allow poison in our drinking water and mercury in our air. You know, the good guys.

As Senator Susan Collins of Maine hangs up her furrowed brow and retires as the last “moderate” Republican, we can let her know that her work was not in vain. Imagine a world where we, the new thoughtful Republicans argue with our gun-toting brethren about policy that doesn’t include Christ, fetuses and the Caliphate. Imagine Republican candidates having to cater to our concerns and our demands. Why Mitt could flip back to being Mitt 1 Point O.

As exit polls keep reporting about how Republicans in mass numbers are voting for Obama, Fox and Friends will start running out of friends. O’Reilly will be reduced to calling both parties “pinheads.” Hannity will be forced to go back to masterbating to images of Hitler.

Forty percent of organized labor already votes Republican, so this isn’t a huge leap. Hell, even 10% of African-American voters selected George Bush. And don’t even get me started on those self-loathing Log Cabin Republicans.

We can do this. We can take over the Republican Party by becoming the Republican Party. And out motto will be: “Today American, Tomorrow Texas!”

Not sure why you still aren’t following us on The Twitter. We even have a helpful Twitter icon at the top of this page to remind you. It’s that easy. Like a Staples button affixed to your belly. Still not convinced? Well, here are some samples of LePhilistine4 tweets. And remember, they’re free while supplies exist.

#Santorum wearing ashes on head a day early to prove that he really gets it.

Pat Buchanan asks why Hannity didn’t see the racism in his book. Umm, he’s illiterate. Notice that his hairline reaches his nose.

Liam Neeson to star in “The Michael Caine Story.” Caine to play Neeson in a cameo. #hardworkingactors

Starting a line of men’s clothes called Timmy Bimini for the fella who would rather have a daiquiri with Liza than hit the beach.

That really evil part of me is kind of interested in a Nikki Manaj a trois. #sorryAdele

I’ve oft wondered if Cuff & Link liked Adrienne as much as Rocky did. Probably.

Tip for Mitt of the Day: always refer to religious book as The Newer Testament.

I sometimes get the words sugary and surgery mixed up. Sure hope this confectioner knows how to treat my gout!

Just bet the rent money on Super Bowl coin toss. Took heads. Oh my god, that’s so sad I’m a renter.

China Idol by far best show on television. “You’re going to work camp” inspires contestants to sing hearts out.

As our Party draws closer to naming our nominee, it has become apparent that that person shall not be me. I am prepared to endorse my opponent. I am proud of the race that we have run; we gave it our all. Except for not getting on the ballot in several states due to arcane party rules and political pressure on the courts to keep me off, we did our best. I have no regrets.

Well, that’s not entirely true. I do regret referring to my opponent as being lecherous. Matters of the heart should always remain a personal issue between a candidate, his family and his mistress. I did not mean to give the incumbent any ammunition to attack our nominee. I regret that slip.

I also regret mentioning the sunken shape of his skull, and pointing out that people with skulls like that are generally of lower than average intelligence. Yes, I brought in doctor friends to write critical reports of “sunken skull syndrome.” These reports claimed that our nominee would not be able to lead our nation let alone tie his own shoes. Listen, those reports were based on the best information available to us at the time! I am not going to apologize for my due diligence. I simply regret going there.

As I regret questioning my opponent’s sexual orientation. I had no proof of transgenderism and should never have shouted that phrase during our debate. Clearly just a heat of the battle declaration. Let’s leave it at that.

Did I refer to our nominee as being dull, lethargic and possibly suffering from erectile dysfunction? I guess I did. However, I believe stoicism is an excellent quality in a candidate, and I am honored to endorse this man.

Of course, I questioned his patriotism. He was my opponent, and like me he chose not to serve with our brave men and women in the armed services. In hindsight, I do not think that makes him weak on terrorism or a supporter of Mexican drug cartels. It makes him focused on the priorities of our country. He is a great man and a trusted friend. I was simply “trash talking” as the urban youth say.

Finally, I want to be clear when I say I retract the statement I made 2 days ago. I do not believe that our nominee will alienate our base. Nor do I believe he will alienate people of color. People of Faith. People of lower socio-economic means. Sentient beings. Nor People of Color. He is our nominee, and he will be great for our country.

That is why I am suspending my campaign for 4 years. Please join me in supporting the man I was once called “an utter failure, a complete disaster, a total buffoon.”

Our editorial team just returned from our holiday sojourn to find perpetually confused New York Times columnist David Brooks wondering why there are not more liberals in America, in what Brooks speculates to be a “golden age for liberalism.”

He writes: “Given the circumstances, this should be a golden age of liberalism. Yet the percentage of Americans who call themselves liberals is either flat or in decline. There are now two conservatives in this country for every liberal. Over the past 40 years, liberalism has been astonishingly incapable at expanding its market share.”

Or, perhaps, Dave, fanatical right-wing media, religious institutions and institutional racism have people afraid to admit that they are in fact liberals. Though, a better answer might be that people are either delusional, ignorant or sub-moronic. Think the Teabagger Grandpappy who screamed for the government to take their hands off of his Medicare. I’m sure Pee Paw thinks he’s a true blue conservative and not some European-styled socialist.

In national poll after national poll, people overwhelmingly agree with the domestic policies of the Democrats. People want more medical care for the sick and elderly, they want better schools, they want drivable roads and public transportation, they want to be able to breath the air and drink the water. Just don’t call them liberals. They’re smart enough to know that that is a dirty word.

On the national average, Americans watch 8 hours of television a day. However, ask an American if they watched the latest episode of “The Bachelor” and you’ll no doubt get this response: “I rarely watch television.”

Similarly, ask the middle manager at a paper pushing firm if he supports cutting capital gains taxes or raising taxes on people earning far more than he does, and invariably he’ll scream, “Commie!” Why? Because Americans don’t see themselves as working poor. They see themselves as 1 winning lottery ticket away from packing up the jaloppy and moving to Beverly Hills.

There’s an obesity epidemic in this country but the majority of Americans think that they are fit. They just need to watch a football game and the pounds will roll off.

And let’s not forget that a vast majority of the country identifies themselves as Christians, but feel persecuted by the evil, anti-Christian minority. “Happy Holidays” is Satan-speak for death to the infidels! Strangely, a large segment of Christian America seem not to comprehend the teachings of Jeebus. For the record, the Gospels are not and cannot be interpreted to be Pro-Capitalism. They expressly do not condone material wealth but, instead, suggest “giving it all away.”

But, hey, David Brooks, as long as you call yourself a Christian, or healthy, or rich or a Conservative then I guess you are. No wonder conservatives have no problem having “different beliefs” than research scientists. And no wonder a person with a simplistic world view can call himself a columnist.

This must make Brit Hume spin around in Ronald Reagan’s grave!

Of course, we can still have free bananas!

Sure, Herman “Herb” Cain doesn’t know shit from shinola, but he didn’t call himself “Herb”. That was Sarah Palin. And as a fan of the liberal media, I can understand Bill Maher and company attacking Herb for not being the brightest knife in the ice cube tray. Afterall, Herb claims the President doesn’t need to know anything. The President’s job is to lead. He will have a staff of poindexters to keep him informed of countries and branches of government and such. I still think Herb is more articulate than Sarah Palin, and I also think that there are dumber candidates running on the GOP ticket.

For instance, Ron Paul believes the Earth is 6000 years old and that dinosaurs and Moses drank tea together. And he’s a medical doctor! An Ob/Gyn to be specific. Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann also believe great white peepaw in the sky created the earth around 6000 years ago. All of the candidates, with the exception of soon to be Independent Jon Huntsman, have been anti-science, anti-education and anti-brains. 3 of the candidates have stated that God told them to run. Either God doesn’t understand our system of government which doesn’t allow for 3 presidents, or 2 of them are liars. Make that, 3 of them are idiots. And lest we forget, 2 of them believe the comic stylings of conman Joseph Smith.

We can go on about the gerbil sized brains on display at the GOP debates. We can even make exceptions for Rick Perry because clearly alcohol is destroying his noodle. But let’s not only call Herb Cain dumb. And let’s also remember that whomever the candidate is that the GOP nominates, they will still win at least 25 states. Library-free states, but nonetheless.

Now let’s watch Eric Cantor introduce Herb Cain:

Bill Clinton has a new book out explaining how to fix the economy. Specifically, the economy of the 90s when he was President. Of course, there is so much to miss about the 90s, not just budget surpluses but also Alt-Country music. To that end, may I present the reconstituted Jayhawks.

Perhaps, because Mark Olson left his wife, Victoria Williams and subsequently left the Hillbilly Creek Honeydrippers (or whatever they called themselves), he has rejoined his old mates. I still think the Olson-less “Smile” record was the Jayhawks best, but I did miss the harmonies that Olson and Gary Louris (pictured with editor) perfected. Sadly, I don’t think they performed one song off of “Smile” during the set I saw recently. I vowed I would hate the the show if they didn’t do “Take Me With You (When You Go), and since they did the show was a success! Kudos.

Another 90s Icon is making the rounds. Matthew Sweet is touring to promote the 20th Anniversary of his seminal “Girlfriend” album, and performing it from start to finish. “Girlfriend” is another lephilistine essential album, so this show was a must. Sadly, poorly attended by Obesatard, USA. Playing with the Velvet Crush rhythm section, Sweet rocked his Ruebenesque ass off. Still has the chops…with a side of mashed potatoes. Oops.

Here’s another photo taken recently with professional football guy, Chris Hoke. I swear, I’m a normal sized person. Must stop posing with giants.

Speaking of the football, I bet a lot of Penn State players are wishing they had worn swimsuits in the showers. Apparently, former coach Jerry Sandusky had a eye for talent. Known as a brilliant tactician and inventor of the squat thrust, Sandusky was known for his light workouts and his multiple calls to “hit the showers.” He will be missed.

And finally, our hearts go out to the grandchildren of “Family Circus” creator Bil Keane, who died and will now, presumably, be haunting them.