If you must know why I haven’t written anything in almost 2 months it’s because I’ve been busy trying to keep Pennsylvania relevant. I spent the past 6 months consulting on the re-election campaign of Senator Arlen Specter, with the past few weeks putting in more time than I bargained for. I didn’t complain about the long hours (yes, I did), but I wanted to do my part to keep the man in office. Why? I think Arlen’s the greatest Pennsylvanian since Ben Franklin. Take that Stan Musial! Also, I heart earmarks, and the Senator has been very good for Pennsylvania.

By now you know that our campaign lost to a weaselly former Navy Admiral named Joe Sestak. In the last few weeks we watched as our insurmountable lead dwindled from 25 points to a dead heat. Even though Senator Specter had the endorsements of the Democratic Party, the AFL-CIO, President Obama, Vice President Biden, the Governor and all major state newspapers, we lost to a William Devane lookalike.

To his credit, Sestak ran a devastating television ad that used a partial quote from the Senator to make him look like an opportunist who would do anything to stay in power. The ad even featured six year old remarks from George Bush endorsing the Senator. People are stupid and the ad worked. Unfortunately, our team had nothing to counter punch. Or did we?

I had suggested the following copy for an ad that was never filmed:

Opening shot: John Wayne Gacy. Voice over. On the day Eric Massa endorsed Joe Sestak for the Senate he was charged with sexually harassing male members of his staff.

Shot of Massa holding hands with Sestak. Voice over: Male. Members. Staff. Massa.

Footage of Massa on the Glenn Beck Show: Massa: “I did touch him. We had a tickle fight.”

Close up of Sestak: Voice over: Eric Massa served under Joe Sestak in the Navy.

Shot of the Village People: Voice Over: In the Navy. Under Sestak. Tickle fight.

Close Up of an Elmo doll. Voice over: Tickle fight.

Shot of Sestak in assless chaps. Voice over. Joe Sestak, he’s too ticklish to be our Senator.

I’m Arlen Specter and I approve this message.

I honestly don’t know why we didn’t run this ad. Other than it’s Lee Atwater like copy. Still, it would have made people wonder just why Sestak still refuses to release his military records. Just why was he relieved of duty? Duty? Tickle fight?

Anyway, I’m going to vote for Joe Sestak in November. He’s our next best hope for earmarks.