Welcome back from the break! Wow, we closed out the decade by taking the philistine show on the road. On ice!!! Which probably means we drank too much. Hey, how about those Aughts? Guess I won’t be retiring this century either. Don’t forget to tip your waitress…over.

FotoFlexer_AvatarSeriously, though. Avatar? Greatest movie ever? Take that to the gut, “Citizen Kane!” James Cameroon, who already has the highest grossing movie and a country named after him, has outdone himself. He’s taken the plots of “Dances with Wolves,” “Dancing with the Stars,” “Ben Hur” and “The Smurfs” and made a stunning visual mish-mash of delight. When the crippled guy becomes Brainy Smurf, you weep, laugh and pee all at the same time.

And for a few more dollars you can see the entire thing in 3D! Believe me you’ll be ducking and dodging enough to throw up your $7 popcorn. (Editor’s note: my popcorn was free because I take my own popcorn popper to the theater! Along with my own gin!)

So run like you just received new legs to a cinemaplex near you so you too can tell everyone you saw the biggest spectacular since “Titanic.” Special bonus points if you can figure out which blue creature is actually actress Helen Mirren. Hint: she’s kind of old.